I changed my RSS source but if you subscribed through that button on my sidebar then I guess your ok. But if it’s erase-her.net/rss.xml then I don’t think that exist anymore.

I haven’t really blogged in a long while because lately it feels more like work. I wanted a change of pace so I’ve tried the video blogging thing but I doubt I’m going to stick with it since blogging is more my thing. Bogging is so much more rewarding with the community and all, the problem is that I have less and less passion for it.

I’m not a very good talker ^-^;. You notice their is some cuts because I say ‘and’ and ‘um’ a lot and I sort of have a ‘filipino’ accent. If you’ve been around since my threadless post you already know about the first 20 seconds of my video with my ‘rape t-shirt’. Then I talk about that weird look reporters get on the news and how to get clear beautiful skin.

This is a semi-random post. It’s not as much information as your usual random post but it’s random enough for me.

I heard a couple days ago that a girl who is the same age as me and hung out with in elementary school was pregnant and now has a little kid. I couldn’t imagine that happening to me anytime soon. Me having a kid then it’s like saying “I want to stop having fun”
Emphasis on I because I know there are a lot of young mothers out there and I’m sure that you do a great job. But we’re two different species. Even though I believe I’m more mature than most my age I don’t think I have the mentality to take care of another human being for the rest of my life. I don’t think I would make a good mother now. When I’m in my 20s I plan to move around a lot, the whole “trying to find myself” thing and I think kids need stability.

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Speaking of moving around a lot on of the places I want to visit is Salar de Uyuni in Bolivia. It’s the world’s largest slat flat. It looks like your walking on the sky when the ground is wet. I want blindfold somebody on the way there so they could be surprised.

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My brother really misses his ex-girlfriend. Sometimes he’s in denial and says he doesn’t need her but I know he misses her. He’s been calling me her name more often. Your brother calling you by his ex-girlfriends name is really creepy.

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I sure hope there isn’t going to be a draft like the one during Vietnam war. I’m already two steps away from becoming crazy. Well if I get PTSD I can use it as my excuse for when I go on my murderous rampage and hopefully I’ll get not guilty for reason of insanity.

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This isn’t everybody, this isn’t even a majority of my blog friends. But some people/person get pissed because I don’t bother to comment on their blog. I’m sorry that your nap and the number of hours that you sit counting your toes doesn’t interest me. As a blogger you have to think like a visitor
and what would they think of your post.

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Has someone ever really liked you and you wish they don’t. Like they think your so great just because they see you so high and mighty and your really not that special. Then you realized how annoying you must’ve been to your past crushes. Gosh.

When you look at younger siblings or relatives even though they are a couple years younger than you, do you ever get the feeling that they have it easier that you did?

I remember my grandmother calling me a retard because I didn’t know how to read at the age of four. She would compare me to my older brother who was a genius at that age and said I would never get to any good private school. She seemed to love verbally putting me down.

When my grandparents jewelry got stolen and their business went down the drain I considered that karma and God was on my side.

When I was five I was staying with my aunt in the mountains and I got sick . I didn’t know what was happening to me all I knew I wasn’t feeling well. I felt really hot even though it was cold. My aunt refused to treat me, I was asking for ice because I was sweating hot and my aunt thought I was being maarte (bitchy).Two days later I found out it was a fever and a toothache. My aunt blamed it on me.
“I’m never going to take you anywhere again. Why you got sick?”
It’s not my fault bitch I was five and it was fricken cold.

By the time I was seven people where telling me to grow up.
“Your a lady now you have to act like an adult”
“You can’t have dolls anymore because your big”
“Why don’t you wear make-up or something?”
“Your not a kid anymore”
“You want to go to the toy store? Wouldn’t you be embarrassed Your so old” I’m seven! WTF?!

People wonder why I’m sometimes bitter and grumpy. That’s why. I feel like a kid but everyone is always reminding me I’m an adult. So what do adults do? Suck dick? I think I’ll go suck dick right now.

I look at my younger cousin who are like 5, 7, 9 and the same family members who treated me like crap treat them like babies!I must’ve been an ugly kid or something. I’m going to do something adult like suck dick or get knocked up now. bye.

Site news: I uploaded the Cold Case “Boy Crazy” Episode in streaming form. It’s the one about the murder of a young girl that looked and acted like a boy(read this post for more information). It isn’t graphic but it’s very heart-breaking especially the last ten minutes of the episode. A lot of people realized that there was nothing wrong with her but it was already too late. *sniff*
It’s HD quality so it’s better if you watch it on large screen, double click. Also looks better on firefox but is ok on internet explorer. Watch video here.

On to the topic….

It’s a very short post and you might’ve been comforted with this question before in school.

If you run a school newspaper and this group of mainly white males wanted to post an advertisement that they wanted a discussing on the following topics.

The history books should be rewritten because the holocaust never happened.
Why minorities and women get special treatment.
Why doesn’t science talk about the seriously important things, like being gay is actually a mental disease.

Would you run that ad? Think about the first ammendment and freedom of speech.

I and I guess everyone else already knows that it’s bad to hold your emotions. But who knew I would be a physical example.

I learned to hold my emotions since a very young age when I didn’t get my way. I use to get pissed yell and scream and have tantrums but adults would just ignore me and leave me on the floor. I guess I learned that nothing would happen if I would yell out so I just kept things to myself.

I didn’t know how to react when my classmates would tease me back in high school so usually I would say nothing. And there was my bestfriend who I just let get away with treating me like shit for four years.

There was an incident a week ago. I was on the computer and my brother was bugging me. I was super pissed and stressed about the upcoming exam that I started huffing and puffing (hyperventilating according to the doctor ) when I put my head up my chest suddenly felt heavy and tight. I started to panic and yelled for my mom. I was crying because I didn’t know what was happening Then I felt really light headed and my body felt really stiff. I couldn’t move my fingers.

My uncle started messaging my back and head. My mom got me some water. After about five minutes I started breathing again but my arms and jaw were still quite stiff. When my dad came home that night he set up a doctors appointment.

Today was my doctors appointment. He said it was sever stress agitation due to emotions or something like that (he used those words). He even joked that I must of been really mad and I shouldn’t be mad because it’s my birthday tomorrow. What happen to me according to the doctor brought back past emotions of frustration and anger. ‘Bottled-up emotions isn’t good for the body’ is what he said. And suggested that I try to talk or something if I feel that way again.

They took a blood sample. Took like ten minutes because I kept squirming around (hate needles) and screaming. Also a urine sample. I notice my piss is like a million times darker that everyone else’s piss…I wonder why. I don’t know the results of it yet though.

Have a great weekend everybody!